- shezelgibon
The 5 Things Mothers Should DEFINITELY Not Be Doing
1. Blaming themselves for every single thing that goes wrong!
I've been here before. Trust me you are not alone mamas. As I reflect on my day with Maya at the end of it, I'm blaming myself for things like raising my voice when I should have been more patient, or for not always saying yes to her many play requests. But at the end of this self blaming fest I am always reminding myself that tomorrow is a new day AND that no day is going to be perfect. As long as we try our best, and work to be present, loving parents I think that is really what our children ask and need of us the most!
2. Trying to imitate other parents, including their own!
We are all very unique beings, which means that we all have our own unique ways of parenting as well! If you truly do admire certain things that your parents did while raising you that's great, and there is always a way to incorporate those things while still remaining true to yourself and your own parenting style. I think some times it is easy to watch shows, or hear from other parents and think that we should be imitating what we see and hear from them. But that is not the way, especially since no one child is the same. And also because if we are just living in the shadows of our parents or others that we choose to try and imitate then that doesn't leave much room for us to grow or to even try to be creative as parents and individuals. This is not to say that our parents and others we know did not do a great job in raising us, I am just trying to express the great joy that I believe will be felt if we take it upon ourselves to parent in our own unique way with no strings attached to how it should be or once was done!
3. Feeling guilty about wanting to spend time with themselves and indulge in some self care!
This. One. Right. Here. I know that we have all felt a little tug on our heartstrings as mamas who know that a little self care would be good for us and our little ones too; but on the other hand feel bad for even wanting to spend the time away from our children. I had to learn and re-learn this one right here simply because I felt like I was a bad mother for wanting to take a breather for myself, with myself some times (not often) but especially when Maya was still breastfeeding. And when I say a breather I mean doing simple things like running out to get your favourite drink and being able to drink it right away, or running a quick errand alone, or going for a walk around the block to clear your head.
These are just a few of the simple things that I felt good in doing when Maya was still a baby. I am so grateful that I also had a husband who encouraged me to do these things, to recharge my batteries when I sometimes felt overwhelmed and even when I didn't. Self care doesn't always have to look so luxurious. Now, since Maya is older I am able to do my face masks, take baths and all of those beautiful things more often, but that took time. To all of the new mamas or soon-to-be ones I want you to know that it is good and healthy for you to reconnect with yourselves in any way possible when you can. Schedule in the time, and communicate with your partner or your support person/system about this. In the beginning you might feel like you never want to be apart from your precious baby or cannot even imagine going a minute without them by your side or in your arms (which I also went through) but eventually you might learn that in order to be a better mother it is essential that you stay true to caring for yourself and allowing yourself to feel good as a woman... as the individual that you still are!
4. Putting down other mothers for any reason whatsoever!
This one is so simple. All of us are trying to figure motherhood out each and every day. None of us really know exactly what we are doing. That is the plain truth. We all struggle at times, feel lost and without answers. And so in us knowing this we should be able to empathise with all mothers. In fact we should focus on lifting up the mothers that surround us. To judge another mother and say that she is not doing this or that right is only a reflection of how we truly feel about ourselves and our parenting skills. The more we empathise and open up with one other, the more we realise that we can come together to figure out solutions or even simply have a laugh and find joy in like situations. Being a mother is hard enough, so imagine being one who fears judgement or the wrath of others who are not so kind. Just like empowered women empower women, empowered mothers should do the same. Be the light in another mother's life, not an enemy!
5. Trying to be perfect all. the. time. It's humanly impossible!
This last one basically sums up what I have been trying to say in the last four points. It is easy to get caught up in the idea that as mothers we should be doing it all and knowing it all. But that is humanly impossible you guys. And I know that in this day and age of having social media and access to the lives of other mothers it can sometimes feel like we are not doing enough. I admit that even I some times question how some of the mothers I follow on Instagram are able to do so much all while making it look so effortless. But instead of comparing myself to other mothers I use what I see as inspiration, all while knowing that what we see on social media is only a glimpse of a mother's entire day or life even. Since I was young I have always desired to be the best at anything that I do, becoming a bit of a perfectionist. But becoming a mother has humbled me in a way that nothing else has or ever will, especially when it comes on to realising that I will never be perfect at it and most importantly that I don't need to be!
"Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be our best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it's a shield." -Brene Brown
Thank you for joining me on here mamas, and I hope that you all can carry on knowing that you are definitely not alone in all of the things you may be feeling on a day to day basis. I am here with and for all of you. Continue to be the amazing Mamas that you are, and don't forget to sing your own praises every now and again!
With love and appreciation for all of you Mamas,
S.S.