A Letter To My Daughter A.K.A My Biggest Accomplishment And Inspiration

I remember when it felt hard as a mother and then it got easier.

I remember when nothing you said or did could break my heart as your mother.

I remember when I carried you inside of me and every day felt like the best day of my life.

I remember when I held you all day and night as a baby and never once went to bed questioning my ability to be your mother the way that I some times do now.

I remember when I named you in grade school and knew of your powerful existence in my life, even back then.

I remember when you first started to say mama and I would have you repeat it as much as possible because it was literally music to my ears.

I remember when I found out you were a girl and instantly went out to buy a bunch of cute girly clothes.

I remember when everything that had to do with you felt too good to be true.

I remember when I gave birth to you and holding you instantly made all of the pain go away.

I remember when watching you dance at the tender age of two made me the happiest and proudest mother ever.

I remember when talking to you was so simple and all I ever wanted to do even when you could hardly talk back.

I remember when I would stay up all night or sleep so lightly just so that I could watch you breathe.

I remember when being your mother felt so natural to me that I thanked God for it every single day.

I remember when your dad and I talked about having you and starting our own family.

I remember when I protected you more than anyone else because I wanted you to be strong and healthy.

I remember when you let me sleep almost every night of my pregnancy and never caused me any trouble or pain.

I remember when I went in to labour with you and knew from then about your willpower and determination to do things on your own terms.

I remember when you told me that I was your best friend and I felt those words more than any others. I remember when I breastfed you around the clock and anywhere possible just to ensure that you were nourished and happy. I remember when all you wanted was me above anyone else. I remember when you would eat all of the fruits and vegetables that I gave you with no hesitation what so ever. I remember when I put my degree on hold so that I could provide you with my unconditional love and undivided attention on a daily basis. I remember when I raced to the hospital after experiencing the scare of a hemorrhage and thinking that I had lost you inside of me. I remember when I fed you egg and cheese for the first time and slowly observed your body rejecting it, giving me yet another scare as your mother. I remember when the new midwife told me that I wasn't feeding you enough because I would rather ensure you were well rested during your first days of life which only made me work harder at being the best mother possible. I remember when I would take monthly baby photos of you and you just let me do as I please with a smile on your face. I remember when your baby talk was the only thing I heard all day but made me the happiest regardless. I remember when I had no worries because in you I always had so much joy. And still do. 

I remember when things were easy...

and although now they seem hard,

I know they will become easy again. 

I love you Maya