The Things That I Still Have Not Yet Figured Out As A Mother

So I don't know about all of my fellow toddler moms out there, but age 3 is by far the hardest age I have yet to experience! I feel like I say that with every new age lol, but for some crazy reason I actually believed the people who said things would get easier as they get older. So. Not. True. My goodness, everything that we experienced with Maya as a 2 year old is now all of that times ten. Maya is at an age where everything has to be done by herself ONLY, and in her own (mostly crazy) way. She is very determined to get what she wants when she wants and will do anything she can to get it. She is so head strong in all that she does, and I am not going to lie, this can be very challenging for us at times. I know that her little ego and realistically everything about her is still developing, but we really think that it is important to try and instill proper manners and good values in her as early as we possibly can. And so with that being said, we try our best and we work with her and her very strong personality all while trying to stay as sane and as loving as possible (which actually isn't all that hard to do, because as soon as I look at her cute little face my heart melts). So basically with this post I am here to let all of you toddler moms know that A) You are not alone & B) I do not have it all figured out! I mean I love to help and give advice where and when I can, but I also like to be real about things, especially when it comes on to motherhood. I love my daughter so much and always will but boy does this life stage of hers test every single thing in me... especially my patience lol. Some days I relate to the very true words of Glennon Doyle when she explained that being with her kids had her feeling like a volcano waiting to erupt. It's tough. Yes it is worth it, but it is very tough. One minute everything is good, cool and calm and then in the next Maya is throwing a fit over the simplest thing.

But of course they don't understand or have the capacity to realize that what is big to them (like crying hysterically for another popsicle) is actually very minor in the real world. Everything is a pretty big deal to her at the age of 3. But one thing I must say is that Maya is very very aware of every one's emotions around her. I'd like to think that she has a pretty high IQ when it comes on to emotional intelligence. As soon as some one changes their tone whether it is with her or around her, not even having to yell or anything, Maya will ask "why you angry?" Or she will ask, "Are you angry Mommy? Why you not happy?" and in the cutest most innocent voice too. But even if she just sees me laying down she will ask if I am okay, or if I feel sick and then further seek out what she can do to try and make me happy again lol. Please believe me when I tell you that there is never really anything wrong with me she is just so empathetic, and gentle, and kind already. She is the most caring child which makes for a great future nurse (just saying lol), and I have to admit that I love everything about it. Just the simple fact that she can read the different emotions that people emit, even if they are not trying to be obvious at all about it, is so inspiring and amazing to see. If Maya is crying and you tell her to calm down a bit or ask why she is crying, she will fully explain to you that right now she is sad and wants to cry. Sometimes that's followed by a because and a reason, and other times it is not. But this I am learning to accept, because she does not stay down for long and ultimately she is already able to control her emotions and accept them for what they are. She does eventually stop, gets over what ever it is, and is happy again. I think it is important to truly allow our children and ourselves to feel what we are going through, as long as we are able to come out of it. Even if it is as simple as toddler worries are. That bounce back, also known as resiliency, is important y'all. And believe it or not, Maya has taught me to better understand this through her own actions and little words of inquisition and encouragement.

Let's talk about bedtime now. The most dreaded time of the day, let's be real. I mean I have seen all of the memes, the blog posts and just everything about how hard it is when trying to get your kids to go to bed during this toddler stage. But oh my goodness, never could I have imagined just how exhausting it would be to get Maya to go to bed... stay in bed... and go to sleep. Every single thing comes up. All of a sudden she has to use the toilet, and she's hungry, she needs to get a certain doll to sleep with, she has to read one more book, she has to retell a story and a million of other things before she finally decides to stop fighting her sleep and get some shut eye. We will put Maya in her bed by 8pm religiously and that little girl will some times only begin to fall asleep by about 10 or 11. Yes there is the odd night when it doesn't take this long, but there are always excuses for why it is apparently not bed time yet lol. I mean when the kids go down to sleep, this is usually the only alone time for Ry and I... so yes it is precious. Whether we talk and chill, watch a movie or show, or sit by an outside fire... we barely get to take advantage of this time when Maya is up so late, especially since we know that we have to be up super early for work! Some times we are just too tiyad y'all. But, I believe that the universe is always working with us to ensure that all things, even the chaos that is bedtime, are worked out greatly... or at least that is what I tell myself. I mean I'm just glad that she is finally sleeping through the night, because I can honestly say that even that took awhile. Also keeping in mind that Ry and I are both people who love our sleep and have no troubles when it comes on to getting a good night's sleep, at all. Or didn't have I guess I should say. But yes, good sleep is still a thing of the past, but we are remaining hopeful that things will soon change for the better! And of course every time we do get over one hump there is always another one waiting. AND then, we also miss these moments with our littlest girl as she grows up and out of certain things.

I guess what I am trying to say with this post is that no I am not always able to keep my composure when up to 5 tantrums happen all in one day, but I am aware of the fact that this is three. Most of what Maya does is normal! Most of what your three year old does is normal too! Trust me. I have learned about healthy child development in nursing school, and now I am (and have been) currently living through it. But with that being said, that doesn't mean that we as parents cannot feel or make mistakes and yell a little too loudly, or crave space a little bit more. We are only human, all of us, the kids and the parents all experiencing some thing for the very first time... because even if you have kids who have been this age before, I believe that no one child is the same. So yes every one is allowed to truly feel, and even question whether or not we are doing things right as parents. At this time in my life as a mother AND stepmother I am realizing also how important it really is for me to take my own time, and do the little things that make me happy so that I can be a better parent and role model for our kids. In no way do I have everything figured out, and some days are more of a struggle than others; but I am trying my best to be the best that I can be for myself and for my family! Some days my anxiety can get the best of me, and other days I feel so good about the parenting decisions I've made and have to give myself a pat on the back for getting through each and every moment with a smile and a leveled head. I think it is so important that we sit down and talk to our kids, and remind them of the importance of being good, kind human beings. We are raising our kids to be healthy, compassionate adults that in the end are truly happy with themselves and their lives. Every day I remind Maya to be as happy and nice as she can be with herself and everyone around her. And as I always say (and try to keep in mind) as long as she's happy, I'm happy! I also wanted to add that I am in no way trying to portray that motherhood is all bad and always super hard; because most of the time it is not. And no matter what goes on the love I have for Maya and my family can and will never grow faint. I am just wanting to share a couple of the challenges, or better yet, the stepping stones that I as a toddler mom, and Maya as a toddler have experienced and in the end have and will continue to grow through! Why? Because maybe there is a mother out there who can relate and needed to here that they are doing an amazing job, even through times of change and uncertainty.

We are allll in this together mamas... please try to remember this the next time you're faced with an unrelenting toddler tantrum!

Much love,

S. S.