- Shezel Spencer
Do You Possess The Qualities Of A Good Girl Friend?
My girlfriendsssss... there through thick and thinnn! Okay, so I'm sure you guys can already tell that this post is all about friendship! However it is a bit different than the usual because not only do you guys get to hear some of my personal opinions on the topic; I also asked and received the pleasure of guest starring two of my close friends to get their input as well! I am super excited and appreciative of them for not only supporting me on here but for agreeing to take the time to share a bit about themselves, and some!
So first off I'm going to share with you guys a little background information about my history with 'friends'. While in grade school and middle school I was always really social and had a lot of close friends growing up. In high school, for the first couple of years as I transitioned with my middle school friends and met some new ones I would say I was still pretty social and experienced some good times. But then as I grew older and started to move around, (I went to 4 or 5 different high schools) I didn't really care to make friends. I wasn't really putting myself out there and I lost ties with a lot of my previous ones. I would say that as I was trying to figure my own life out and grow as an individual I became a lot more introverted and selective about the people (and energy) I surrounded myself with. Now when it comes on to having really close girlfriends, I am grateful that I do have a few but I would be lying if I said that we see each other often... because we really don't. And I will admit that friendship is not one of my strong suits. I could do better. And of course that is not to say that every drift in a friendship that I have experienced is my fault, because then I would be lying as well. I have experienced betrayal, manipulation and just straight up being used, and I truly think that is why I have grown to be very careful with who I get close to. But I am getting good at being able to let go of the past and focus on the present moment and people in my life. I am certainly not the type to look for any sort of pity or sympathy from anyone, I love myself way too much for that and I strongly think that my tribe of friends should be a reflection of me as a whole person and the values that I hold. However I do realize that I am not the type to reach out often, and for me it really is innocent and mainly because every day I have so much on my plate. And also because of the fact that I don't have to go too far to look for amazing women role models who get me and are always ready and willing to talk; my own mother, mother-in-law and ofcourse other family members are exactly that and more for me always. BUT, upon thinking about this and why I am this type of friend, I do realize that I can definitely do better and make more of a conscious effort.
I guess I just get so wrapped up in my family and raising my kids, nursing school and what ever else life throws at me that I just don't really make the time for hanging out with my girls. I think it is also because of the fact that I have always been super independent and self-reliant for everything. I can literally just spend a night curled up in my bed watching an episode of red table talk with my glass of wine (amongst other things) and feel completely happy and full! I guess what I am saying is that I don't really need to be social or spend my time with others to feel fulfilled. Although, again, with that being said...I absolutely love it when I get to catch up with my girl friends, and laugh and reminisce and just do all of the good stuff that we women do. I am slowly coming to realize that even if I do not NEED it, it is still so important to just get out of my little family world to enjoy the company of my friends. Because even though most of them don't have kids of their own yet, they are so understanding of my crazy, busy life (and vice versa) and are always here for me when ever I call. At this point of my life, I feel like I am super open to making new friends as I take on different roles, but I still would like to put a lot more work and effort in to further developing the great friendships that I already have. I guess you could say that just as Tracee Ellis Ross transitioned from her past role as Joan in Girlfriends to her present role as Rainbow Johnson in Black-ish; I feel like I too have progressed from being a super social girl friend to a now stable, family-centered woman! Of course that is not to say that I don't want to have or spend time with friends, I am just trying to put in to perspective that as I grew and started a family my priorities changed. And thankfully those friends who understood that did not, especially these two ladies, and that to me is what makes for great girlfriends! So...without further ado...I would like to introduce you all to a couple of my really GREAT, inspiring and hard working girl friends who I seriously adore and am so thankful for. I asked each of them to answer four of the same questions that I came up with... and let me tell you guys that I literally read both and got completely teary eyed. I love these ladies man, and I'm sure after reading what they have to say you will too!
These were the four questions:
1) Tell us about yourself!
2) What are you passionate about?
3) What are some of the qualities that you think a good girlfriend should possess?
4) If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?
Meet Samantha A.K.A Sammie Instagram: @sammie.wj
1) Hello, my name is Samantha West and I am 24 years old. I am currently in school for Healthcare Management at Humber College. I am an outgoing and go getter type of person. I love trying new activities and enjoy traveling. I take pride in always trying to make others feel happy and respecting them. I aspire to be a successful manager one day in the healthcare business sector. I don’t know where life will take me but I value living my best life because I am only on this earth once. There are too many opportunities in this lifetime to make them go to waste and not take advantage of!
2) I am passionate about traveling and learning about new cultures. I believe it shows me a different perspective on how other people live in the world. I enjoy the learning aspect I take from traveling because that information I learn may be useful one day. I am also passionate about self care. Even though I just started implementing this type of care into my life after reading Shezel’s blog; I have seen a lot of benefits and improvements in my body. I am a lot happier and look healthier. I learned that I might as well start to take care of myself because no one else will.
3) I love this question because I feel like I am surrounded by good girlfriends. I believe a good girl friend is honest, respectful and loyal. I value an honest person because I want my friends to tell me when I am in the wrong or help me when I am not making the right decisions in life. It’s so important to surround myself with people who will tell me the truth. Respect is a quality that needs to be present for a friendship to last and grow. I am able to talk to my friends about anything because I know they won’t judge me since they respect me as a person. Also, when our lives get busy and I have less time to see them, the friendship doesn’t fall apart because I respect their grind and value the Friendship.
Loyalty is also a necessary quality girl friends should have because I need to be around people who support who I am and what I am doing in life. If my friend is loyal to me, when she is presented with a situation to talk negatively about me, she will choose not to do so. Too many times girl friends talk behind each other’s back, and that demonstrates that they do not present the true qualities a friend should possess.
4) If I could give my younger self one piece of advice I would tell her to focus on yourself and your future. I went through a time in my life where I focused too much on the present and didn’t realize that I was jeopardizing my future. I let my present problems dictate my everyday actions to the point where it was not helping me in the long run. I would also tell my younger self to focus on yourself because it will be important when you get older. It was harder to get in to the habit of doing things for myself because I got so caught up with school, work and just life. It’s always important to take a moment and just “do you” sometimes because it benefits you in the future.
Lastly, I am so grateful that Shezel asked me to be a part of this blog post, I got to do a little self reflecting and I am honored to be considered one of her friends. She is such an amazing person and has a great soul that lights up any room. Learn from her because she actually practices what she preaches.
Love,
Samantha West
Meet Carrilee A.K.A Carebear Instagram: leeleexc
1) My name is Carrilee Bryan, I am 25 years old and I am a University of Toronto student double majoring in English and History to pursue a career as a Black Diaspora History professor. In an effort to actively participate in my passion regarding Black Diaspora studies and promoting Black excellence creatively and academically, I’ve created my own not-for-profit organization called, Young, Gifted, and Black, of which I’ve been facilitating since June 2017.
2) I am an advocate for equality, particularly within the racial, cultural, and medical realm of things. With this being said, I am in constant pursuit of obtaining equality for the Black community with intersectionality in mind. I have grown quite fond of natural organic products and have taken up this passion by creating my own line of all natural products of which I’ve named, Nubian Essence. My products include: candles, body wash, body scrub, face scrub, mouth wash, lip balm, rejuvenating oil, body butters, toothpaste and all natural perfumes. In producing these all natural products for both myself and the community, I aspire to influence individuals in a way that consciously informs them of the harmful toxins associated with everyday cosmetics and fragrances while at the same time providing these very people with healthy alternatives.
3) In my personal opinion, I believe to be distinguished as a “good girlfriend,” qualities of being compassionate, a good listener, kind, and most of all supportive, are crucial. When all of the qualities listed above are intact, I believe the most resilient and long standing relationships are not only able to flourish but also able to do so in a healthy way. Among the qualities, I believe being a supportive girlfriend is most important because it lays the foundation for trust, elevation, and security within the relationship.
4) If I could give my younger self advice it would be to not put a time stamp on life or its milestones – particularly school related. Additionally so, I’d reassure myself that success comes in all shapes and forms and that like someone else’s beauty, another person’s success is to be admired but not to distinguish and cause me to question my own. Most importantly I would tell myself that it’s okay to say no without feeling regret and that those who truly value you, will respect your “no” in whatever form it takes on, regardless of the circumstance. Saying no, as I often felt, should have no guilt associated with it because self-awareness, self-love and self-value is such an important attribute that is critical for a strong, passionate, healthy, loving perception of self.
I want to once again thank these two absolutely beautiful girl friends of mine for taking the time to guest star on my blog, and for doing so in such an elegant and captivating way. After reading what they had to say about the qualities that a good girl friend should possess, I really began to realize even more that just because we don't talk or see each other every day or as often as we should does not make any of us bad friends...myself included. Although I know I could improve in some areas, I definitely feel like we are such good friends because we all get and understand that life gets busy... and that is completely okay. I think that regardless, as we support our friends in life we not only showcase our love for them but also our love for ourselves. By lifting one another up we are encouraging and empowering each other to rise up to our full potential. I love to see people supporting people...and better yet women supporting women. I am grateful for every single one of my friends, past and current, because they have all taught me valuable lessons about myself and have allowed me to grow because of it!
And of course I am so grateful for this blogging community, and for being able to share my thoughts and personal experiences with all of you! Be sure to also share with us what type of friend you are and what being a good, solid friend means to you! I love hearing from others about this topic of friendship and what it means to them, because every single person's perspective is different and should be respected. I really do hope that you guys enjoyed this post as much as I did!
'Til next time,
S.S.
Also, I really miss the show girlfriends so here's a gif in the name of thee!