- Shezel Spencer
Two Things That No One Could Have Prepared Me For As A Mom
Once I became a mother, I instantly learned so much about so much. Okay so I know the wording of that sounds kind of weird, but it's the truth! It is so hard to narrow down all of the things that I have learned, or really had no clue about, in to a more specific statement. I mean of course your midwives/doctors, your family members with experience, and maybe that really honest friend who just tells it to you like it is will try and tell you 'all you need to know' about motherhood and having a baby. But it seriously does not come close to the amount of things that you eventually go through and learn throughout the process. YOUR own process. Because let's face it, every mom, child and just family in general is going to experience things that are unique to them. And so that becomes another reason as to why we simply just cannot expect to know it all right from the jump. So, as I said there is sooooo much that I have learned, but for the sake of not making this post too long I will talk about two main ones that I feel really stuck out for us and our experience with Miss My! I will definitely be doing some more posts in the future, as I would like to start up a series dedicated to all things pertaining to Motherhood. Because let's face it, there is so much to know, learn, and of course talk about!
1. Is my baby drinking/eating/getting enough milk?
So I feel like this one is so important and resonates with how a lot of new mothers, especially those who are breastfeeding, feel. And this is so normal to be questioning whether baby truly is getting enough to eat, or if they are even getting anything at all. Since their bellies are so tiny at first they truly don't even need as much as we may think they do.The most important thing to really keep in mind is frequency; how often they are feeding. I remember Maya was such a sleepy newborn and would sleep for hours on end without waking up, and of course for the first couple of days we would just let her sleep; thinking oh ye she'll know to wake when she is hungry, because giving birth was work for the both of us...she deserved that rest lol. It seemed harmless to do, but then my midwife came for a check up and we opened her diaper and all I remember was seeing a bit of red and freaking out, because my initial thought was blood...thankfully it was not blood, it was actually something called urate crystals that show up in the baby's urine and could possibly mean that the baby is slightly to severely dehydrated.Then when the midwife saw it she kind of left us in a panic, because basically the picture she painted for us was that Maya was severely dehydrated, and definitely not getting enough breast milk and that something was wrong. It is definitely safe to say that she kind of over exaggerated the whole thing, BUT then again maybe if she didn't make it such a big deal we would not have been so stern and diligent about ensuring that from then on Maya was being woken up to feed every two hours. Breastfeeding went very smoothly for us, the only thing as I mentioned was that Maya was a very sleepy newborn and so waking her up to latch on was the hardest part.
But I was willing to put in the work to ensure that she stayed breastfed; from doing my maternal and delivery rotation in nursing school while pregnant, I knew about the many benefits of breastfeeding. And of course I knew about the frequent feedings and what not, but it's just different when you are in it. If that makes sense to you guys. But honestly I think that feeding, is something that mothers kind of figure out and learn things about throughout the process of implementation. Also I would just like to make clear that I am not against formula feeding, I just don't have any personal experience with it and so I cannot speak too much about it. However, I do know that baby's can usually go about one to two hours longer between feeds, but they still do need to eat quite frequently. Below is a chart of what a baby requires in regards to feedings along with pictures of the size of their tummy. which I found very helpful because then you are kind of like, 'Oh okay then maybe they don't really need as much as I think they do after all!'
2. The Eczema Battle
This had to be the hardest thing we dealt with as parents. No one, I mean not one person told us how much heartache, confusion, worry and just frustration we would have experienced when it came on to Eczema. Which I write about because it seems to be getting more and more prevalent here in Canada. We literally spent hundreds of dollars on natural products; trying so hard to relieve the itchiness that Maya felt soooo often. Her eczema was so bad that it kept her from sleeping, from wearing short sleeved clothing and just from having fun and playing outside at times. Now that I think about it, I think that this is what truly gave me the most anxiety as a Mother. I could not stand to see my baby girl in a constant state of irritability for most of her life. I tried to make my own creams, balms and etc. With things like shea butter, coconut oil, essential oils...I literally tried everything and nothing worked! I even tried to make my own baby powder. I switched my whole diet of course while breastfeeding, cutting out things like dairy, acidic foods and what not. For awhile I felt like it would never end, but I never gave up on trying what ever I could to find a way.
I would give Maya oatmeal baths, used a very gentle laundry detergent free of everything harmful. We got all organic cotton bed sheets and clothing for her, and just did all that the blogs, Internet, doctors, naturopathic doctors and who ever else we talked to about it would suggest. And still, it persisted. I really did not not want to use those steroid creams on her precious little skin, because of course I knew from nursing school that anything consisting of steroids would weaken her immune system and could have other negative effects on her health. However, after tirelessly trying all things natural and putting hundreds of dollars in to it and really doing my research, the steroid creams were the only thing that would give Maya relief. So we would use it, but sparingly of course. Giving my baby relief was my main goal at this point. We tried every cream for eczema and some would make her break out, and others would leave her skin moisturized for like ten minutes and just would not work at all. Until as she got older, we found one that finally kept her skin moisturized and would help to prevent the dryness and then the itchiness. Her allergist, because of course on top of the eczema came many allergies, recommended this cream to us. It is made by La Roche Posay and is the Lipikar AP+ Baume collection.
After trying it once we were amazed and so happy that something finally worked! So we went right back to the store (it's available at Shoppers Drug Mart) and bought more along with the soap. Til this day that is what we use for Maya, because it still works so amazingly and is a gentle product which is why we were able to use it on her skin at such a young age. Although she would still have breakouts they were not as bad, and it was not as often. She has definitely grown out of the worse of it now, and her skin has changed so much. This past summer was the first time that we were able to put our daughter in dresses and shorts and all of the cute girly clothes that she could never wear before. It was so amazing for Ryeon and I and we felt so grateful and blessed to know that God answered our prayers, and ultimately kept us strong throughout that trial. And really allowed us to persist through it and do all that we could for our daughter. Because trust me there were very bad days, where we would just sit at home with Maya and miss out on things because the itch was so bad. And then it also became a habit for her, since she could not talk as yet, when ever she felt frustration or anything she would scratch her skin until it would bleed. You go to all the specialists; pediatricians, dermatologists and they would try and help but their help is just stronger prescriptions and then you get the "don't worry she will grow out of it." So you really feel like you are on your own, there were times where I was like, WOW how could I do this without Ryeon.
The whole experience really showed me just how grateful I am for my family simply being in good health, and for all of the little things. Maya was so strong throughout it all too, I would even question how she could be. It taught me so much, and it really allowed me to grow as a person and connect more with my spiritual side. I thank God every day for seeing us through it, for the amazing support we got from family and friends, and just for bringing Ryeon and I closer throughout the whole experience. Because you think, aw yeah I'm going to have a baby and everything will be great. And don't get me wrong it was amazingggg, because we always tried to make the best out of our days. Some times we would just have to laugh because that was all that we could do lol. As crazy as that sounds, it was like therapy for us. Because if you sit in your sorrows you will eventually drown in them, that was not an option for us. And yes we would often say okay people have it worse so maybe this is not so bad, but honestly this was our worse. People do have it worse, but as humans we can only focus and speak on our worse. So at that point I realized that I cannot compare or tell myself not to feel because although people do have it A LOT worse, this truly was OUR WORSE. But with all that being said, we got through the worse of it and we made the best of it. We never let Maya see that we were affected by it, and we always put her well being first. We still did all that we could, brought her every where we could and had the most fun we could. It literally only made us stronger as a unit. I share this with you guys because I want to be transparent and let all of the mothers, fathers or even soon to be parents know that there is hope and that you are not the only ones going through this. If any of you want to know more, or have any questions always feel free to ask me and just know that when you are doing ALL that you can, it is enough. I love opening up to you guys about my journey through out motherhood and I hope that I can continue to do so!
Thank you so much for reading, and please do not be shy to connect or reach out!
S.S.